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Love in 90 Days: 03/30/09
Love in 90 Days by Diana Kirschner is not a book I would have read or agreed to review if I had been asked. I am not part of her narrowly defined target audience. Except for the fact that I am female and was one upon a time briefly single I am not nor would ever have been interested in this book. Yet a publicist rather than risk taking "no" (I would have been polite about it) sent it to me unsolicited. Now I could have just given the book away or wild released it through BookCrossing but I would prefer to instead give one negative review amongst all the fawning praise this book has garnered (mostly from the press). I have a feeling there were many more unsolicited copies sent out to regular book blogs such as mine that have been quietly disposed of.
Love in 90 Days has a catchy and promising title. Were it as inclusive of more kinds of romantic partnerships as Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson is, then the advice might actually be useful and credible. The problem I have with this book is it is designed solely for single heterosexual women who want to find the perfect hunk among all those eligible bachelors out there because of course that is the one true road to happiness! (Sorry guys of either sexual orientation or lesbians).
Kirschner mentions studies that show married people are happier, healthier and more secure in their lives than their single counterparts. What she doesn't mention is that correlations do not equal cause and effect. Happy, healthy and secure people might be more likely to seek out or find relationships because they are happy, healthy and secure.
The book offers advice on how to attract a man and includes things like how to make yourself pretty (gag), how to flirt with threatening men in public places (yikes!), how to do online dating and speed dating (how infomercially!) and finally the importance of dating three men at once to fine THE ONE. Oh yeah, and you had best be white, well educated and not too fat for this program to work. Otherwise you have to do extra credit for your problem areas (bletch).
To wrap everything together in this 90 day program there are sets of affirmations and daily journal writing. These homework assignments. Because of course writing things like "I am a good person and I deserve love" x number of times a day will of course cure you of whatever funk you're in. Or you might actually be depressed!
When I was briefly single I suddenly found myself being pursued by three men. One man clearly just wanted to get in my pants, one might have been okay but rubbed the wrong way and then there was the smart one who was a great conversationalist and a bit of a klutz. From my own limited experience, three is too many to handle at once. I felt so much better when I gave two of the three the heave-ho. I stuck with the klutz and later married him. We've been a couple now for almost 18 years.
Now had this book existed 18 years ago and had I been foolish enough to read it, I probably would have gussied myself up and gone after the drop dead gorgeous player despite my better judgment. I would have ended up just another of the drunk floozies who hung out in his room until they dropped out of college with an std or two. See if you by the STUD or DUD test, Mr. player would have gotten higher points on the STUD test because he knew how to play the game (and he ran the dorm's bible study group).